just a thought

love is a tricky thing. when you're little you hear stories about it as some big unobtainable feeling that will sweep you off your feet and never hurt you, but as we all know... that cannot be true. i always had it figured out in my head when i was young, i wanted to be with a tall strong handsome man that might be a prince or a cowboy and might drive a time traveling delorean and might have a horse for me to ride and might buy my a castle to run around in full of candy. i was 6 when i had that dream, i had high hopes. but as time went on, and i... aged, my dreams changed. i didn't need someone tall, and he didn't need to be a prince, i decided that a cute nerd would suffice, someone that loved movies and tv and books and art and super heroes and listened to so much music it could be considered unhealthy. you'd be surprised how many nerds are out there. but in my relationship past i settled a lot. you wouldn't believe how much i settled. any of you recall a specific relationship i had with a boy named "richy"? those of you that have, should be laughing right now. well.... those of you that have heard stories or seen pictures.... know that i had no idea what i wanted at that point. i'd say that was an all time low. he might have lost his virginity while he was my boyfriend... to another girl. being cheated on... no bueno. but anyways, i don't want to settle anymore, and i don't intend to. my last relationship did recently end. and i will correct something i said before... i said that it... "wasn't even close" to what i wanted, which isn't true. while he was mine, he was everything i wanted and then some. there are still so many characteristics that were there that i want in my future husband, which by the way i don't quite know who my future husband is. but as time changed, as... i changed, what i wanted changed too. i realized that i was getting close to God, and that what i want is someone who doesn't just believe God, or know Him on a personal level, but someone who will put God first. someone that will seek Christ in making decisions. i always knew what i wanted, but as i changed, what i wanted changed. child version of me wanted someone that only existed in fairy tales, teenager me wanted someone that you see on all the tv shows, adult me just wants her future husband, whoever that may be. so i'm taking at least a year off to figure out what i want, and i don't want to be confused and biased by love or a boyfriend maybe i was right before and i had the right guy all along, or maybe i havent even met the guy i am supposed to be with, or maybe i met him briefly and just havent considered the option yet, who knows, but i suppose in the end... we'll see.

DC Day 1

i spent the entire day in bed really, aside from a shower and some pizza. and a "snuggie" if you didn't notice. that's my cousin marion. we took those photos last night, enjoyed some "snuggie" time. haha and today i believe we will adventure in the lovely Washington DC. i don't know what we're going to be doing tho, but i am sure it will be quite fun. marion has a big long list of things for us to do, so i suggested we try to knock off everything on that list. you will surely see many photos and hear some stories, i'll be taking photos of everything you know? going to be taking my camera everywhere. it's what i do. hehe i am currently watching "doctor who" and i am waiting for my cousin to come home. let the adventure begin! haha 10 days away from home, my original plan was different but the new plan will be fun aswell.

today was a series of bizarre events

so i woke up this morning, SICK. (sick sick sick). i was supposed to go out and get dinner with a friend, but alas i am sick sick sick, so that didn't happen, but tay got me some sushi. she and i were going to go and pick up my pay check from what i did this weekend but couldn't get a hold of the people so we stopped by the mall. as we walk in, we passed this elderly man (we live in south florida, of course) and we hear something and tay turns to me and inquires "what was that sound?" we walk a little closer.... and it happens again, it was of course.... a solid case of the "walking farts" coming from this elderly man. tay and i start cracking up silently to ourselves and rushed past but i opened the door and tay went in and i held the door open for the man when i realized his hat... PLAYBOY BUNNY. tay and i turned the corner and broke out into laughter. we walked around for a while and got some tea at starbucks, i saw a friend and it threw me off and i almost left without my drink. silly. we took our teas to a bench on the second level in the middle of the mall to people watch the citizens of Gardens walking below us, we saw some adorable old people and a cheerleader practicing her routine as she walked, a potential cougar and her prey, and then i turned to realize that there were 2 guys sitting on a bench across the mall watching us. hahaha we left soon after. on the ride hope we were listening to music on my ipod using one of those handy radio converter things. well i got a cheap one so the signal isn't very strong and every once in a while i'll pass a car and hear their music instead. tay and i pull up to a stop light and my music changes to blaring gangsta rap singin' "up in da crib wit no panties ooooooon" and tay and i start cracking up wondering "who is that?!! whoooooo?!!" and 2 young gangster girls are sitting next to us in their escalade, enjoying said song.

today. bizarre.
really bizarre. and there's a cat at wrigley field on tv. what a silly feline.

day 3 of singleness. and i leave on thursday for DC and B-More. marion and alyssa and MICA... i'm coming for you.

allow me to formally introduce myself

ME.alright. let's take this one step at a time. officially and legally i am Amanda Elizabeth Adams. unofficially i am Amandasaurus. i draw a lot, i photograph regularly, i read often, i write.... rarely and poorly, i watch television and movies more than i should, and.... i wear clothes like.. that apparently. i have lived on 3 different continents, tho 2 of which were barely long enough to call them home, tho i intend to return. you know jakarta, indonesia? the 2nd most populated city in the world? and perth, australia, the most isolated city in the world? i called them each home at one point in my life. i was a missionary for 6 months. i do love that jesus fellow, it's true. some people may even refer to me as a jesus freak. and that's fine. i think God is awesome, so be it. as of right now, i'm 19. and as of yesrerday, im on day 2 of my single year. tho i've techincally been single for like... 2 weeks? almost 3. but yes. DAY 2 of single...ness. im moving to maryland in september. going ot be a MICA (Maryland Institute College of Art) student. maybe graphic design, maybe photography, maybe illustration. i have a family, i like them, or love them, both apply. i don't know if there's much else to say. i like music, i listen to a lot of music. like.... HEAPS. i'll probably write stuff here and post art and photography. woohoo. ;)

i love being in love

today i realized something....

since i started dating, back when i was like.... 15, i have almost ALWAYS had a boyfriend. like.... always. and there are always prospects. ALWAYS. not that i'm trying to say that i can just... date whoever i want, because it's not true. but there has always been someone who was willing to date me, and i loved being in love so much, that i would date whoever.

you know that format song inches and falling? well... i love love, i love being in love, and that is a weakness of mine. i love having someone, and being wanted, and i'm a sucker for all those cute little relationship things.

well i have recently found myself single. i was in a relationship that i thought would go the distance. i thought it would be... the one. but that was not in Gods plans for me. not even close. i fell in love with him, that's for sure.... but as i was offered a second chance i realized... is love enough? then i was forced to ask myself.... what do i want in a man? well i know now. i know so clearly exactly what i want, and not just want.. but what i need.

so i was talking to a close friend about it, and i said how i have always had a boyfriend since i started dating. granted they were several different guys over the 4-5 years ive been dating, but honestly there was maybe... a month or two between those relationships. some lasted months, even years, while others were mere weeks. serial dater? maybe.

so i made a decision. as of today... april 19th, 2009, i am comitting one full year (at least) to being single. and not just single, but no dating, not even casual.

so boys, i'll be seeing you later. i'm going to continue to figure out what i want and need. here i am, ready to live the single life.

being single is a gift, a time to focus on other things, so God, let's get serious.